Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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