I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
