He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize