Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
