You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
