You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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