You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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