why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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