mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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