Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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