Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
