had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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