Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
