She is in my trunk
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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