): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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