Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
