remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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