I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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