i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
