I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
