I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
