I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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