um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
