Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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