just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
