i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
