apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
