Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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