Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
