giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
