some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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