Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
kristin has been a bad kristin
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
