non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
