I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
