so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
