Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
