Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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