i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
