i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
