I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize