if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
