3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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