It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
