I puked a lego.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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