did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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