We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize