I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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