Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
