wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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