She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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