I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
