My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
