Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
