i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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