I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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