I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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