Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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