I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize