Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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