it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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