You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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