remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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