come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
