I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was born a porn star she said
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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