There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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