so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
