im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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