All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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