So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
