Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had to cum in my sink.
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