Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And then he peed in my hair
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