Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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