it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
