i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
