Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
