i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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