she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
