GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
