i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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