you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
