So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize