Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
