The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
