all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
