HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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